I Got Hacked.

Joke’s on you, sir hacker.

My site looks weird because I got hacked.  But the joke’s on you, genius sir/madam hacker of presumably exquisite sociability and stunning appearance. (please don’t attack me again)

I don’t write anymore. You’re wasting your time with this website like I wasted mine.

The dream’s over.

Once upon decades ago, I wrote. I was read by thousands, plagiarized by dozens, and heralded as a literary lord by my dog. But now… My dog has been taken. My life has grayed corporate. And no one even reads my emails.

So, let us do each other a favor, thee ravishing hacker. Move on. Latch thyself to another whose dreams rise. Be like my life’s beautiful women. Ignore me.

So, Kobe’s Taking a Break From Basketball

The greats always “retire” and then return again for one last hurrah.

Kobe’s taking a break from basketball, eh? The greats always “retire” and then return again for one last hurrah. And, Kobe’s one of the greats. It ain’t easy to be old and walk away into a foreign life.

Here’s my guess about the next few years…

The Lakers are going to court Kevin Durant. Management loves to build around mature talent and Durant’s the top candidate. Whether or not Durant signs with the Lakers, the franchise is going to struggle.

In the meantime, Kobe’s going to linger around the fringes of basketball. We’ll see him quoted in interviews on how the Lakers are under-performing. He’ll show up for an occasional post-game analysis. But, Kobe’s going to find that he just doesn’t have the personality and desire to be another media commentator.

So…when Kobe’s around 40 years old, the Lakers are going to make a 1-year offer to re-sign him under the guise of being mostly a mentor and secondary coach. He’ll be limited to, at most, 13 minutes of play per game. His primary role will be to advise the new Lakers on his methods of practice. And he’ll give the mentor role a shot for once…because it’s his last hurrah.

Y’all heard it here first. Kobe’s a Laker again around 2018. I’ll bet your house on it.

Any Openings? I’m Looking.

I’m super cereal.

I’m tech-savvy, artistic, and have a decent business mind.  It’s about time I reapply myself.

I spent most of my life volunteering.  I’ve gone on church missions bringing food and healthcare to impoverished neighborhoods.  I’ve spent weekends running errands in hospitals and got awkwardly hit-on by grandmas with exquisite tastes in Asian men during board games at the local elderly community.  My most fun donated years were the times helping build a creative outlet for underrepresented ethnic minorities desiring a voice in entertainment.

So now, I’m seeking again.  Do you know a good cause that could use an extra hand?

I ain’t looking for a new job.  Youz think I crazy?!  My career’s awesome.  But…there must be more than this provincial life.  I’m just itching to be more than myself.

Happiness is helpfulness.  I miss being a good person.

Cats 101 – Snowshoe Siamese

Grumpy Cat’s my spirit animal.

After a grueling day, I rested over a few drinks and began to wonder.  What breed is Grumpy Cat?  Thy master Google says she’s a Snowshoe.  A rare breed.  My spirit animal is a rare Snowshoe breed that originated in the United States in the 1960s.

A few more drinks and I found myself spinning down the rabbit hole of endless Cats 101 videos on Youtube.

Little mo’ whisky and it turns out that Maru’s a Scottish Fold.

Japanese Maru can trace his lineage back to a single Scottish barn cat named Suzy.  Talk…about…interesting.  Maru’s Japanese with Ginger roots.

I LOVE info-tainment.  It brings back the feeling of returning from recess, walking into class, and then noticing the TV cart in front of the chalkboard.

View post on imgur.com

Teacher’s tired, so we’z gonna pretend to learn something from the picture box now.  Ain’t much better than a stiff drink and pseudo education.

Continuing the adventure of discovering all breeds in Cats 101, I found out that I need to adopt a Ragdoll.  They’re so friendly that they’re referred to as “puppy cats.”  Mutha…fuck’n…awww.

One last whisky toast, and it just dawns on me.  Ho-ly…fuck.  I’m going to die alone.

What am I doing with my life?  I’m single.  I should be scoping out breasts and meeting chicks.  But, here I am…spending my free time checking out pussies.

Ugh.  I should sober up.

View post on imgur.com

I Like This Alot

I like this cup alot.

I’m a HUGE fan of Allie Brosh (aka Hyperbole and a Half).  She’s hilarious, beautiful, and broken.  She’s perfect.  I would crane-kick ice cream out my nephew’s mouth to meet her.

These are my new prized possessions:

alot of mugs

It’s alot of mugs!

View post on imgur.com

Every sip of coffee from my new favorite mug leaves me feeling warm and tingly in my tummy.  As I glimmer into the thoughtless eyes of my Alots, I can’t help but wonder…

Where the HELL is MY BOOK, TAMS?!

itsjohnkim-hyperbole-and-a-half-book

It’s getting close to TWO YEARS since I let my sister “borrow” my book.

Why do older sisters always take and never return?  Why doth sisters not honor baby-bro belongings?

I’ve even lost so many sweaters and sweatpants per a sister’s prerogative.  Why?!  It’s not like my size is comfortable.  Girls like their men’s clothes baggy.  I’ve got a lady’s figure.

Do older sisters really find comfort being cloaked in a baby brother’s girlish despair?  I should have some things of my own.  Let’s break the cycle.  I’ve already lost so much.

#givememybookback