Why’s Everyone On Facebook Discriminating?

Everyone’s a rainbow!

Why has everyone turned their Facebook profile picture into a rainbow?  Not cool to color-blindians, yo.  Gays and lesbians finally got their right to marry legalized by the Supreme Court.  Now that bigots have been disarmed of one more community to exclude, people are turning to discriminate against the color blind.  Read my lips.  Tear down this rainbow!

No more color lines.  There are no red states.  There are no blue states.  There are only the 50 states of grey.

I get it.

A landmark ruling passes our Supreme Court, so we’re celebrating.  But, is rainbow-fying your Facebook profile picture the best you can do?  Ladies, if you’re really celebrating, how about changing your profile picture into one of you tongue-kissing your hottest girlfriend?  It’s a celebration!  Fellas, we cool.  Keep calm and rainbow on.

We live in a socially networked world.  The power of our connections is in sharing our actions, not our reactions.

I’d love to see what you’ve done for the day.  Hug a stranger, then post pictures.  Adopt a kitten, then you best post hella pictures.

I care about what you do.  I don’t care about what you believe.  Social media should be an avenue to share the events of our lives.  Yet, we’ve fallen victim to sharing link-bait articles, time-wasting Vines, and everything else Buzzfeed.  Does this encapsulate who we are?  Or was the purpose to pressure each of us to take extraordinary actions in our lives, so we each have something worth sharing?

Again, I get it.  Love won.  But, what are your last acts of love?  Please share.

Did This Put a Little Happiness in Your Heart?

Look at this. Did you just get a little extra happiness in your heart?

Look at this:


Did you just get a little extra happiness in your heart?

I’m a bit happier.  So, why am I the weird one?

Everyday, I’ll walk around the office and shove my phone in people’s face.  “Yo.  Look.”

View post on imgur.com

And every so often, someone will respond, “Uhhh…ok.” (~rolls eyes)

You know…if you’re “too manly” to “awww” at something adorable, maybe you don’t deserve the hair on your chest.  I smoke cigars, drink whiskey neat, and have burned ants with a magnifying glass.  And I ain’t afraid to fucking awww at cute shit.  I like puppies and kittens.  Dat don’t mean I can’t light a match off my stubble.

Society needs to change.  It’s time we all grow up and realize that incredibly charming heterosexual Asian men, with a chiseled marble chest, who may work in IT, and could even possibly have a blog named after themselves, are allowed to appreciate indisputable adorableness.

I like ice cream in a cone, and I ain’t afraid to eat a banana in public.  Because I’m secure.

I’m a man.  I like cute shit.

faye on my shoulder

And So, I Write

My one sketch for the year…

I used to love drawing.  I loved drawing until almost high school.  Then I stopped.

I turned to writing.  Universities sought essayists.

Eventually, writing felt natural.  I could write and feel expressed.  And so, I still write.

But, there are times when I have words to hide.  I’ll have words in mind that should not be read.  And so, I’ll draw.


Maybe once a year…I’ll just draw.


When Did Obnoxious Become Funny?

Dis shit needs to stop.

I hate the fact that 13 year olds get to determine what’s funny these days.

Everyone’s a fucking comedian now.  All it takes is a phone with a camera and that one idiot friend that happens to laugh at your stupid jokes.  You get encouraged because one person laughed when you farted and all of a sudden you’ve got ambitions of becoming the next Youtube comic.

Want to know if you’re actually funny?  Make a cashier laugh.  You’ve got 30 seconds and a jaded audience.  Can you make Barbara sincerely laugh from deep within her pot-belly of broken dreams?

You’re funny if you can get someone to listen.  Comedy demands the full attention of the audience.

Uploading a stupid video doesn’t make you a fucking comedian.  Your audience is watching because they have nothing better to do.  An online audience is ACTIVELY LOOKING to be entertained.  They are desperate to pass a few minutes of time.  View count doesn’t mean shit.  It’s all a fleeting moment.

The reason why internet celebrities have trouble becoming a household name is because they aren’t funny.  Teenagers have an abundance of time and they’re all browsing the internet to avoid learning anything that will actually be important in their lives.

Make me laugh.  I’ve got a job.  I don’t even have time to see my friends that are actual professional stand-up comedians/artists/musicians/entertainers/and simply goddamn funny ass people.  Can you get me to listen, or are you just another niga with a higa riding the naivety of prepubescents?  Being obnoxious ain’t funny.

It just makes me sick that comedians with decades of well-crafted comedic craft are getting overshadowed by annoying morons posting their own quick-cut online videos.  The editing is shitty.  The camera’s out of focus.  And just because teenagers with shitty tastes are wasting their abundant minutes clicking the fucking links, no-talent hacks are paving the future towards lower quality entertainment.

I wish from the bottom of my fucking cold-beating heart that I could fight against this movement towards idiocracy.  Unfortunately, I’ve got a job and a credit score to maintain.  I don’t have the time to invest in raising the view count on quality comedy.  Tweens are gonna win by default.  The future is bleak with a lot of “how.the.fuck…is this supposed to be funny?”