The Glass Is Half Silly

Leave it to the world’s smartest people to invent ways to make the rest of us look really stupid.

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Leave it to the world’s smartest people to invent ways to make the rest of us look really stupid.

The hype around Google Glass must be manufactured.  I refuse to believe the general public is remotely excited about the goofy gadget.

All poindexters know that putting on glasses is like wearing a new face.  Some prefer frameless glasses to match their iPhones and minimalist ideals.  Others opt for thick black frames to coordinate with their non-fat soy mocha lattes, extra foam, and a side of I dressed like a lazy lumberjack before it was popular.  

google glass photo

People are too vain to prioritize high technology over fashion.  No one in their right mind cares so much about hands-free email that they’ll gladly walk through society sporting some dopey metal unibrow.  Google’s Glass looks like you’re aiming to blow up a death star.  Even Luke set the eyepiece aside so he wouldn’t feel like an idiot.

How stupid do we look?

Google is the world’s biggest advertising company with a standing market capitalization of $265 billion.  The entire company is housed with the planet’s smartest people who are empowered to be clever.  Many women have caught me gazing at their boobs from another room, but all the media exposure for the latest innovation of slapping a screen on your face is hardly a coincidence when it’s been birthed by the dominate advertising corporation employing ivy-league graduates.

levar burton - glasses

Only one person has ever made wearing a computer visor over the eyes look cool, and it wasn’t because the gizmo resembled some horsepower boosting air-filter.  Levar Burton’s black.  The future and an interstellar frisbee ain’t gonna stop black people from being cool by default.  Sprinkle in some reading rainbow and you can shebang your face with anything you want.

Most of us have less to stand on.  We don’t have enough laurels to rest on looking more foolish than the times we baby-talk to our pets.  It’s too confusing to simultaneously chat at a pair of bifocals, kittens, and bountiful bosoms.  So, how about adding some buttons instead of spewing voice commands all over new technology?  I don’t want to sound like an auctioneer just to flip features on my devices.  Let’s leave the talking for people.

Why are ATMs so popular?  Why do we love ordering pizza online?  Because there are times when we’d rather not talk.  We aren’t all teenaged girls hating on Debra during breaks from pillow fighting in slow motion.  Too much talk in technology leaves our baristas befuddled and agitated.  Every parent knows that the best value in a gadget is its ability to keep kids quiet.

Don’t buy the hype.  The world becomes a better place the more we think critically and independently.  Google Glass is silly.  It’s another example of smart people inventing science to see if they could, without stopping to think if they should.

jurassic park glasses goggles