Wouldn’t it be nice if we were together?
It would be nice. But, I got my Clean Air Vehicle Sticker (aka single-occupant carpool lane sticker). I’m free. Muahaha. So long, peasants.
I saved 40% off my commute time today, and all it cost me was my friends. For the first time, I leapt out of bed and skipped to my driver’s seat. I unplugged my car from the wall socket and was a smiling fool the entire 24 mile drive to work.
The freedom to drive in the carpool lane, regardless of passenger count, is a godsend. My radio blared. My farts flew free. I shoveled boogers out of my nose and didn’t worry about offending anyone other than the gas-guzzling commoners I was blurring past in the carpool lane.
Finally, blessings befall good people. All my years of being the most humble person in the world are paying off. People are starting to recognize that I deserve to be better than all of you.
I promise thy sticker will not be used in vain. The time I save will go towards taking everything else I can until my wealth trickles down to you. May my pockets grow so fat that some spare change may sprinkle toward your general vicinity. The money I’ve paid to be alone in the fast lane will help put me first in line at grabbing everything I want, so the rest of you may be free to compete and work hard at splitting the stuff I don’t. ‘Tis the American way.