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Hello, My Name Is…

Let go of my fingers, weirdo. I thought this was a job interview.

A good handshake is the cornerstone of a good impression. Straight, firm, and confident. Palm on palm. A squeeze, a nod, and then release. Let go.

The most awkward job interview I’ve ever had was with this one lady. To protect her anonymity, let’s call her Creepo.

I arrived dressed to impress; tailored suit and tie adorned with a clip. I greeted Creepo with a professional handshake. When I released, she wouldn’t let go. I had to slide my hand out of hers. She held gentle contact sliding all the way down to my fingertips.


Our conversation started typical. She was unprepared and looking at my resume for the first time. “Tell me about your experience…” Creepo asked basic questions. When it was my turn to ask questions, I asked her about how the #metoo movement impacted the company. She got real uncomfortable, real quick. I went home to a rejection email.

The last time I felt that awkward was when the old ladies at the convalescent home joked about stirring my finger in their coffee to sweeten it up.

In a perfect world, we’d be hired based on our skills and potential growth. We’d be judged by our professionalism…not our pheromones. But we’re all animals. Favoritism exists.

Alas…life’s not fair, but we can still ding it. We’re all dealt different hands. We just make the best with what we’ve got. When life hands you lemons, stroke the tip and squirm like a coward when you get called out for being a creep.

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