13 of 30

Hello, My Name Is…

Let go of my fingers, weirdo. I thought this was a job interview.

A good handshake is the cornerstone of a good impression. Straight, firm, and confident. Palm on palm. A squeeze, a nod, and then release. Let go.

The most awkward job interview I’ve ever had was with this one lady. To protect her anonymity, let’s call her Creepo.

I arrived dressed to impress; tailored suit and tie adorned with a clip. I greeted Creepo with a professional handshake. When I released, she wouldn’t let go. I had to slide my hand out of hers. She held gentle contact sliding all the way down to my fingertips.


Our conversation started typical. She was unprepared and looking at my resume for the first time. “Tell me about your experience…” Creepo asked basic questions. When it was my turn to ask questions, I asked her about how the #metoo movement impacted the company. She got real uncomfortable, real quick. I went home to a rejection email.

The last time I felt that awkward was when the old ladies at the convalescent home joked about stirring my finger in their coffee to sweeten it up.

In a perfect world, we’d be hired based on our skills and potential growth. We’d be judged by our professionalism…not our pheromones. But we’re all animals. Favoritism exists.

Alas…life’s not fair, but we can still ding it. We’re all dealt different hands. We just make the best with what we’ve got. When life hands you lemons, stroke the tip and squirm like a coward when you get called out for being a creep.

12 of 30

The King of Rejection

No one gets ghosted like I do. I am the king of being cast aside.

Rejection stings. Research on rejection shows that the pain of being excluded is not so different from the pain of physical injury. It hurts, literally. We’re social creatures and survive on cooperative groups. To be alone and outside on the fringes of society is to starve.

16 years ago, I wrote a blog on Xanga. Publishing my first post was nerve-racking. I was venturing into a world wide web of infinite rejection. Eventually, my Xanga started getting thousands of reads. Friends tossed me eProps to real props. Then I broke. I deleted the blog.

I’ve had two Xangas, a couple Blogspots, some Facebook Notes, and now here. Writing deepened my friendships and has even helped me meet new ones.

Friends help. Like-minded friends would want to hang out and write together at the local cafe. Encouraging friends would connect me with magazine editors and publishers in attempts to establish my career as a writer. The pros rejected me.

Where I reign in rejection is with women. The slideshow of my love life begins with…

My theme song…

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face. Women have handed me plenty of knuckle-sandwiches. Whatever. The purpose of a man’s life is to take a beating and still stand. Colonel Sanders was rejected 1,009 times before he built KFC.

Yes, rejection sucks. What’s worse is not trying. #burgerRefill

11 of 30

It’s Pepero day! You may also know them as Pocky sticks. Either way, today’s eleven eleven.

Stand Up

What do you stand for? The last few years, I forgot myself. There’s a sliver of customer service in my job. So the job had me lost for a while. When we’re always working for other people’s needs, it’s too easy to forget our own.

Dogma is living with the consequences of other people’s thinking. We shape our own world. People of lesser talent have dinged the universe. How are you? Grit makes it.

Willpower is a limited resource. We move more when we spend our willpower on what’s most important. Live purposefully by having the will to do and the will to not do. Standing up is living with intent.

Love and hate. Have both. Find someone who hates the same shit and love is in the air.

Need a loving moment? Let’s hate some shit together…

Animal Print – you’re not a leopard, ladies. Maybe a cheetah…but cheetahs never prosper. Catwoman doesn’t have spots or stripes because it’s not sexy. If you fully own the look and coordinate, that’s fine I guess. Looking loud just ain’t my thang.

People – I’m almost a misanthrope. I love persons. Not fond of people. Crowd mentality usually leads to no good. Some assembly’s required, but too often are we led astray. Be above the herd…not the king trampled by it.

Drivers – self-driving cars is the next step towards world peace. If you want to witness the worst of mankind, commute in LA or work in IT. Everyone becomes a moron.

Cassette Tapes – nostalgia’s for vinyls. Heaven has no sequential rewinding/forwarding. It was fun sticking a pencil in the spokes and spinning the cassette to jump to favorite tracks, but good riddance.

Carlos – dude’s a douche.

Stand up, stand by, and stand for what we love and what we hate.

10 of 30

Lisa Loeb

Yooo… Nerdy’s been hot.

Lisa Loeb was the first artist to have a number 1 single without a recording contract. She’s the quintessential hot nerd. Lisa has a cute and soft voice…but it’s about the eyeglasses. She stood out.

Billboard’s Hot 100 singles of 1994 are a collection of mostly cool/smooth artists…and Lisa rose to fame despite the crowd. The era was dominated by Hip Hop and R&B. Lisa wore cat glasses.

Times change, but us not so much. There’s always insiders, outsiders, and those teetering along the fringes.

Getting older just means getting better at recognizing common themes. Life is fuller when we see our similarities.

We’ve always been sharing our lives. Whether it’s on cave walls or in streams of 001100-010010, the only difference is reach.

…and the 90s was the golden era of music. We gonna need a bottle if you wanna debate this.