Sitting Hurts

I have been struggling with the most common writer’s injury: old man back pains.  The injury comes from sitting down all day.  I am literally kneeling in front of my computer in order to write this article.

According to Hellmann’s MayoClinic.com, sitting for long periods of time is linked with a number of health concerns, including obesity and metabolic syndrome.  My penchant for pizza has not been helping.  If someone invents a waffle pizza, I’ll see y’all in the fatterlife.

Sitting down for more than four hours a day correlates to a 50 percent increased risk of death from any cause, and a 125 percent increased risk of cardiovascular disease.  This higher risk is separate from other traditional heart disease risk factors such as smoking, high blood pressure, or my love.

Most importantly, consider the cosmetic harm.  Extended sitting is known to cause excess body fat around the waist.  Even I, the model after image of a carb-starved diet, has gained an extra inch around my tummy.  I don’t want to be fat.  If I gained a few tons, I’d always question if women loved me for who I really am inside, or are just gravitated to my charming obesity.

The health damage from prolonged sitting cannot be mitigated by exercise.  Spending hours at the gym engaged in vigorous activity trying to impress the cute girl dressed like a lesbian does not significantly offset the punishment of sitting.

We can’t all be lifeguards and earn a fortune running in slow motion.  Pushing papers in a cubicle makes up most of our lives.  How can we reduce the risk of comparing our weights and killing pleasant conversations?

The best solution is to stand while working.  I ordered a new standing desk with a freely adjustable height.  It was expensive, but health takes precedence.  When my new desk arrives, I look forward to leaving my risk of angina solely in the palms of a buxom blond’s hands.