Tag: No Humor

So, Kobe’s Taking a Break From Basketball

The greats always “retire” and then return again for one last hurrah.

Kobe’s taking a break from basketball, eh? The greats always “retire” and then return again for one last hurrah. And, Kobe’s one of the greats. It ain’t easy to be old and walk away into a foreign life.

Here’s my guess about the next few years…

The Lakers are going to court Kevin Durant. Management loves to build around mature talent and Durant’s the top candidate. Whether or not Durant signs with the Lakers, the franchise is going to struggle.

In the meantime, Kobe’s going to linger around the fringes of basketball. We’ll see him quoted in interviews on how the Lakers are under-performing. He’ll show up for an occasional post-game analysis. But, Kobe’s going to find that he just doesn’t have the personality and desire to be another media commentator.

So…when Kobe’s around 40 years old, the Lakers are going to make a 1-year offer to re-sign him under the guise of being mostly a mentor and secondary coach. He’ll be limited to, at most, 13 minutes of play per game. His primary role will be to advise the new Lakers on his methods of practice. And he’ll give the mentor role a shot for once…because it’s his last hurrah.

Y’all heard it here first. Kobe’s a Laker again around 2018. I’ll bet your house on it.

And So, I Write

My one sketch for the year…

I used to love drawing.  I loved drawing until almost high school.  Then I stopped.

I turned to writing.  Universities sought essayists.

Eventually, writing felt natural.  I could write and feel expressed.  And so, I still write.

But, there are times when I have words to hide.  I’ll have words in mind that should not be read.  And so, I’ll draw.

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Maybe once a year…I’ll just draw.

 

When Did Obnoxious Become Funny?

Dis shit needs to stop.

I hate the fact that 13 year olds get to determine what’s funny these days.

Everyone’s a fucking comedian now.  All it takes is a phone with a camera and that one idiot friend that happens to laugh at your stupid jokes.  You get encouraged because one person laughed when you farted and all of a sudden you’ve got ambitions of becoming the next Youtube comic.

Want to know if you’re actually funny?  Make a cashier laugh.  You’ve got 30 seconds and a jaded audience.  Can you make Barbara sincerely laugh from deep within her pot-belly of broken dreams?

You’re funny if you can get someone to listen.  Comedy demands the full attention of the audience.

Uploading a stupid video doesn’t make you a fucking comedian.  Your audience is watching because they have nothing better to do.  An online audience is ACTIVELY LOOKING to be entertained.  They are desperate to pass a few minutes of time.  View count doesn’t mean shit.  It’s all a fleeting moment.

The reason why internet celebrities have trouble becoming a household name is because they aren’t funny.  Teenagers have an abundance of time and they’re all browsing the internet to avoid learning anything that will actually be important in their lives.

Make me laugh.  I’ve got a job.  I don’t even have time to see my friends that are actual professional stand-up comedians/artists/musicians/entertainers/and simply goddamn funny ass people.  Can you get me to listen, or are you just another niga with a higa riding the naivety of prepubescents?  Being obnoxious ain’t funny.

It just makes me sick that comedians with decades of well-crafted comedic craft are getting overshadowed by annoying morons posting their own quick-cut online videos.  The editing is shitty.  The camera’s out of focus.  And just because teenagers with shitty tastes are wasting their abundant minutes clicking the fucking links, no-talent hacks are paving the future towards lower quality entertainment.

I wish from the bottom of my fucking cold-beating heart that I could fight against this movement towards idiocracy.  Unfortunately, I’ve got a job and a credit score to maintain.  I don’t have the time to invest in raising the view count on quality comedy.  Tweens are gonna win by default.  The future is bleak with a lot of “how.the.fuck…is this supposed to be funny?”

Thank You Always

Thanks for all the fish.

I have nothing to say today, other than “thank you.”  I am more blessed than any one person should ever deserve.

Every year of my life becomes increasingly more incredible.  This year is turning out to be more amazing than I could have asked for.  I’ve made wonderful new friends and bonded again with old childhood friends that I haven’t spoken to in decades.

Some exciting events are unraveling in my life right now.  I can’t speak of any details, but there’s a lot of motion in the ocean…professionally.  I still haven’t proposed to Anna Kendrick.

May we all keep climbing higher.

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