Tag: Xanga

The following is an old article from my first public blog.  Contains adult language.  Viewer discretion advised.

FUCK!!!  THESE FLEAS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!  Stupid fucking spray didn’t work…on to buying some flea-nukes!

Fucking bullshit!!!  I spent all this fucking time spraying the entire house with this crap and we still have a flea problem!  I struggled and struggled with this spray because the stupid nozzle happened to be broken too!!!  Talk about foreshadowing…

The Early Onset:

A Bloody Turn of Events:

Fucking disgusting!!!  Not just the sheer pale scrawny-ness of my hairy legs, but the fact that the pesky species finds me sooo damn irresistibly delicious!!!  ~yum yum, get me some John to munch on…bitches…geez…

After hours of having a mental debate as to the persistence of the fucking fleas, I’ve come to conclude that they won’t go away because of…The Criminal…or as the French say, “Ze Criminale.”

The Villian:

Man, I used to think this bastard was cool and fucking gangster.  The animal police came to take it to jail, but I stood up for it…shiieet!  Now, there is nothing I want more than to catch this fucking bastard…tie up its hands and feet…and douse it with itching powder!!!  Be like, “how do you like that shit you fucking bastard ass raccoon!!!”  (then pee on it straight R. Kelly style)

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This is fucking whack!  I’ve got my hardest and most important Final Exam on Thursday also!  FUCK!  STRESS!

Future:

“I see you did really poorly on your finals, John.  What do you have to say about this?”

“…Ummm…I was really itchy…”

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Until I have time to nuke the shit out of these fucking fleas, Imma have to just settle for some temporary flea repellent…

AND

The following is an old article from my first public blog.  Contains adult language.  Viewer discretion advised.

Startling revelation here in Irvine (FBI’s safest city in all of the United States…even with dangerous heartbreaking male specimens around… ~wink).

What has happened you say?

We got an infestation of FLEAS!!!  Fuck…not exactly the species of life I wanted sucking on my neck…

I would’ve preferred an encounter with a homo sapien boob-us humungous…

This is what they fucking look like…SICK!  Did you know that you can’t squash them?  Their exoskeletons are sooo freaking tough that you have to use your nails, or some like hard surfaces, to crush them!

Here’s a look at one, up-close and personal, in real life:

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This all began with my roommate telling me he saw this weird bug hopping around his room…

That’s the fucking bastard that brought in the pesky fleas!  (Obviously doesn’t do a good job cleaning…)

I think it was the day he made a mess in my room.  I had to roll up a nearby newspaper and hit him a few times in the nose with it – you know, for discipline.  I felt bad, so I took him out for a walk.  He was so happy; he ran around all over the place, rolling and frolicking in the grass…I rubbed his belly for a few, then we went back home…little did I know that he was crawling with insects (…dirty mother fucker).

He’s got a few bites on him…but I’ve got it like 10000x’s worse!!!  I guess it’s cuz I’ve got such sweet, caring, warm, thoughtful, intelligent, passionate, nutritious blood – chop full of vitamins A through Zinc…

My other roommate:

He says he’s got a few bites also…but he’s got the least amount.  It’s probably because fleas don’t like MSG…haha…

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My future Christmas present for my roommates: